I know the thoughts I think towards you, thoughts to prosper you, thoughts to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I did my fifth step yesterday with my sponsor. I wrote whom I resented and why and then had to look at my part in it. In each case, I volunteered and signed up for it because I was used to abuse and getting taken. Well, I let go of the need of that. I love myself and see myself as good and deserve to be treated fairly and ethically and with love.
She asked me to do a visualization: to say “I am now in a job that used my talents, gifts, education and intelligence and critical thinking skills. I now make wise decisions. I am now living in a spacious place, that is clean, in a pretty neighborhood, with someone who is honest, ethical, generous and spiritual. I am now earning 15.00 to 30.00 an hour. with professional, nice ethical co-workers and management. I am now cancer free. See the cancer cells dissolving and being cast out into the sea.”
I went to the doctor this morning. He said I am doing good, but that I need to do six more rounds every three weeks. then get the CT scan and then I am done. I am supposed to be NED (no evidence of disease). So send NED vibes to me okay?
“Father, in Jesus’ name, I ask You to baptize me in the Holy Spirit with all the evidence that accompanies being filled with the Spirit. Grant me boldness as You did those who were filled on the Day of Pentecost, and give me any other spiritual gifts You desire me to have.”
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good report. Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear (emphasis mine).
What is the evidence? It is faith. Faith is not a blind belief system, in the teeth of the evidence. Faith actually IS the evidence. It is therefore by faith that I know that God made the world. Therefore, no evidence will ever shake my faith, regardless of how “scientific” it appears to be, because the actual evidence is my faith. And remember that the apostle Paul says that even faith is “not of yourselves; it is the gift of God”
then went to school and played the harp. I am giving 30 day notice to roommates. I am having faith that I will be going to a safe, clean, spacious place and I will have a job to support myself. I am now employed!!! This could all work out for good: new job, new place, bring my harp to me, AA service, go to church again. I need to demonstrate here, as Emmet Fox says. if I run away now, I will keep getting what I am getting and instead, I choose to change and think positive thoughts and believe that can receive good and that I am worthy and that I can make wise decisions and create a beautiful life.
She also send to go ahead and send my sister blessings and that I should really just concentrate on living a good life myself. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said, “A life well-lived is the best revenge.” But I am not out to get revenge. God will take care of that. I am out to get regenerated.