fire under my ass

so it starts with getting a job so I can get a place to live. then it means getting the harp back into my hands, and then it means getting computer and starting the online conflict resolution.  other harpists have websites and pictures and samples of music and there are recording devices and microphones.  So I can record myself.  It’s technology baby! just freakin’ do it.


UPDATE: I set out for Denver and was at the Nevada border. I told nina I would be back next week. Last night I got a call for an interview with a bank, part-time in a swanky part of town. Then on the road, I got another call from Wal mart. So I said yes and turned back. The long road back, the long, hot, ugly, desert road back and am at a hotel, thinking and cooling off. I am not going to color my hair. I will just style it and wer make up. If I get it, then maybe I can move into a place and het my harp.  But it’s not a career move, it’s just a job and that is okay, I can pay rent and then get the harp moved and play at church and in hospitals, and,…  I don’t know. It’s okay, but it sounds like I am wanting to settle. This means I am gong to miss kd lang in Denver. Perhaps I could catch them at another date.

Note to self:

fire in the hills, fire under my ass.

So, I made the decision to leave and then I get calls about job interviews here, pulling me back. And this is what life does, it tests you. maybe it’s God or maybe it’s just some force (I call him god), to show you what is really inside you. Maybe it is fear of the unknown that I take the step and leave the outcome up to what it is.  Facing life as it is and not being in denial and having a realistic assessment of self leads to self-esteem. This is the second time I didn’t make it up the mountain. the first time was because I wasn’t into it. It’s like I like California sometimes, it’s sunshine, it’s mountains  and of course the benefits i am getting. But it’s crowded and the interviews are just for jobs, not career moves. It’s almost like I am getting over my fear of work, but I have to get over a fear of career. Of sticking with it. Because sticking with it means I have to stay for another two years. Was life showing me i wasn’t ready yet? It’s just all so hazy, the decision and the air quality.

The saying/doing gap

At first, it seems as though the things you declare, espouse and promise matter a lot. And they do. For a while.

But in the end, we will judge you on what you do. When the gap between what you say and what you do gets big enough, people stop listening.

The compromises we make, the clients we take on, the things we do when we think no one is watching… this is how people measure us.

It seems as though the amount of time it takes for the gap to catch up with marketers/leaders/humans is getting shorter and shorter.


the entire album from concert in portland


About eagles11eyes

smart, athletic, musical
This entry was posted in harp, kd lang, spirituality and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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