steps

moving that harp downstairs was a …

heavy, bulky and my back. Played at a hospice.

Worship minister offered to come up on Wednesday, but I do not want to have to put him through that.

there has to be another way.

 

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small stuff, big stuff

Little things get on my nerves like the White elephant party last night where I came with a nice gift and left with a gag gift.  Do unto others what you want done to your. Well, somebody wants to be a potato head and I  am not amused. Also, went to store this morning where they are supposed to give samples but they weren’t ready and I didn’t wait. But that got on my nerves. Excuse me, the store has been open for 20 minutes.  Also, roommate getting on my nerves. I do NOT have to check in. I am not in prison.  Everything is for my development and my higher good.

UPDATE: So night before last she decided to make an important phone call after I went to bed, but had to put it on speaker phone REALLY loud.  So I pitched a fit.  Last night we negotiated that she could perhaps read her mail earlier and not make late night phone calls that keep me up.. But I got huffy and once again treated another person rudely and need to make amends and change.

I am going to try to transport the harp in two days to play at church.  This will take strength, carefulness and patience.

UPDATE: So I tried to transport the harp. I got it out of the room and outside and that is where I stopped. I couldn’t maneuver it down the stairs. I didn’t feel secure and prefer to not have me and my harp in a million pieces. therefore, I am reading articles, taking tutorials and watching videos to see how it is done.

Vasily Kandinsky, Dominant Curve, April 1936. Oil on canvas, 50 7/8 x 76 1/2 inches (129.2 x 194.3 cm)

Vasily Kandinsky

Dominant Curve ( Courbe dominante )

Although Kandinsky was forced to leave Germany in 1933 due to political pressures, he did not allow the mood of desolation pervading war-torn Europe to enter the paintings and watercolors that he produced in France, where he remained until his death in 1944.

Finally, I am going to appeal again with the county, even if I have to go to the superintendent. UPDATE:  I appealed a third time with head person and was told “no.”  I have to wait five years before it is lifted. Five years. Fine, I’m off the hook. Applying for online and other counties and other jobs. Also, still trying to start my online business.

I am powerless over my feelings of other people, places and things.  Stop resenting, it’s futile. What CAN I do with the cards I have been dealt? 

Vasily Kandinsky, Composition 8, July 1923. Oil on canvas, 55 1/8 x 79 1/8 inches (140 x 201 cm)

Vasily Kandinsky

Composition 8 ( Komposition 8 )

Safety, Trust, Emotional Intimacy  (getting rid of fear of shame), physical space, it’s okay to feel safe in my body.

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cleanse the system

so, a couple of things. I did pass the Certification test and got my paperwork in and am jumping through the hoops.  Started adding a little run to my walking. Wash your eyes to get rid of the toxins but to also ask God to wash my eyes of any non good thoughts or perceptions.  mary Morrisey says:

Forgiveness is a shift in perception which removes a block to the awareness of Love’s presence. 

To not forgive is to drink a little poison each day and expect the other person to die.

Forgiveness is a cleansing of our mental field.

It cleanses misperceptions and puts us in a higher vibration.

You and I have the power to charge every experience with an opinion and we can decide whether something is ‘good’ or not.

When we claim something is ‘not good,’ we have simply removed ourselves from the opportunity to transform that experience, claim its good and use that good as a lever for our ever-upward movement in the spiral of becoming.

Remove the negative charge, shift your perception and the good that is ever-present in this life experience can make itself known.

Enjoy The Cleansing,

Got my harp website up.  Regina Eagle Harpist
so, person I live with tends to be self-pitying and I am judgemental instead of seeing that she wants love and attention. I try, but I am only one person and cannot meet her demands.  That is okay.  Also, it is okay to set boundaries.
Played harp this morning. I got the harp cart and “should” be at church playing it, but need to practice how to load it in the car and drive with it before I have to be somewhere.  Practice.
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opposition

Where there is whining, let me bring praise. Where there is self-pity, let me bring gratitude  and appreciation for my life as it is, where there is neediness and clinging, let me bring release, where there is fear of work, let me bring an attitude of willing to serve and earn.  Where there is poverty mentality, let me bring a millionaire mindset and an attitude of abundance.  we feel blessed because this opportunity came.  These are the cards you’ve been dealt.  It is up to me, because I take responsibility, to play those cards, whether I caused it or not. I need to forgive and thank the people who hurt me for making me stronger and sharpening me to use this pain to go to school and try to resolve it. At least I got a Masters Degree out of it.

Changes that Heal

be active in life. Go for it and be bold. Go for a walk.

  Majestic View Park tonight in Arvada, Colorado

Happy people tend to see what is good, expect something good. It’s just an artistic experiment. Actively look for good. Tend not to be self-critical.  I need to let go of intolerance and critical and judgement.  Need to tolerate. but distinguish between misdemeanors, high misdemeanors and felonies. No using, abusing, trying to mask an evil motive behind a supposed good motive. Let there be light and expose the lies and covertness.  Lying, bullying, threatening, holding hostage, put downs, lying, making excuses for being shitty, felonies.

Preferences like county music, as opposed to classical, dark carpet instead of tan, different character defects, but trying to become a better version of yourself. do not compare or try to be like another, but trying to become better: emotionally, financially, professionally. not envious. those are misdemeanors.

Person is needy and clingy and I think I need to take Boundaries.  

When_Your_Boundaries_Aren_t_Being_Respected

Tire was flat because yesterday. I worked an assignment and had to park on rocks. Can’t prove that parking on the rocks caused it, but I have my suspicions.  They put on the spare, which I had wondered about, and am buying a new tire. Have to say thank you that I even noticed.

Got website going. Regina eagle harpist.

Why am I not happy. Am I expecting the external world to meet my demands, or am I meeting my needs without depending on external, but appreciating what is. Dr. Henry Cloud really explains this well. Only 10 percent of our happiness comes from something external. True happiness is a mixture of temperament, whom we decide to befriend, are they supportive and loving friends who do not expect you to be perfect, are supportive of your growth and goals and are not threatened, and  having a purpose.

Here are a few helpful tips that can help you develop and maintain your authenticity in your life and business, especially in times of change when decisions can be hard to make. 

1) Trust yourself. Throughout your life, you will inevitably experience many ups and downs, many victories and failures. These can harm your trust and confidence in yourself. Always choose to deepen trust. What is required of you is an increase in your ability to inquire into your true motivations, attitudes and behaviors in order to develop greater maturity and discernment, not a relinquishment of your self-wroth or confidence. 

2) Embrace your true friends. Your true friends are those that do not require you to be perfect to deserve their love. They understand that life is a deep learning journey and you are worthy of love, trust and respect even if you make mistakes and are improving your skills, capacity and ability as you go along. 

3) Listen to feedback. All feedback is good feedback even the criticism you’d rather not receive. You are not here to be perfect, you are here to serve. And the more feedback you receive, the better you become at really meeting the needs of those you are here to serve. 

4) Become unstoppable. The part of you that reflects on throwing in the towel when the going gets tough is the same part of you that is looking for shortcuts when the learning and growing is slow and lies far outside of your comfort zone. Whatever happens, become unstoppable. Find someone, a good coach, teacher or mentor, that can help you navigate the open sea of life, set your sail to something that holds deep meaning and joy for you, and leave the harbor. It is only at sea that you can fully appreciate the great vessel of your human life. 

Authenticity is not something that others can give you or take away. Authenticity is something you either care for or not. And when you do, it is always with you. 

Wishing you an authentic weekend.

To your mindful leadership,

Dawa Tarchin Phillips

Founder & CEO, Empowerment Holdings

 These are the books I have available on amazon Kindle

 

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limits, buttons, healing,

everyone has their limits and I had to limit my exposure in order to protect myself.  And yes, sometimes I build walls that keep intimacy out, but not really. I go to meetings and meet with others and share on a deeper level. The buttons get pushed though. I just read Take Your Life Back. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself.

  that’s far enough partner!

 

I love you and care about you and want you to get healthy. At the same time though, I cannot tolerate your deceit, lying, blaming and finding fault with me because you are so insecure. I am sorry that mom or dad didn’t love you enough, I am sorry you were wounded as a child. Don’t take it out on me.  I do the same thing. I am not so perfect. I let my anger control me because I sense danger, even if it’s not real. You hurt me, you threatened my security, you tried to malign me and make me feel less than. It’s not your fault. We inherited some sins, if you will. the anger, the alcoholism, the … whatever.   I hated you for it, but saw that was your coping mechanism.  I can’t change you, but everyday, I ask God to help me forgive you so it won’t power over me anymore. this anger, this fear, this hurt.  Or at least, feel it, but focus on creating a great life for myself, by playing the harp, writing, teaching, going to meetings, walking, joyful, joyful.

 

I need to heal. Boundaries by Dr. Henry cloud

A subscription service based on Dr. Henry Cloud’s bestselling book

 

Also, sent picture for website, got harp cart and need to put it together.

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thanks, banks

I finished the Jobs Partnership program.

The screenplay competition has been moved up. :  Info VFF <info@vailfilmfestival.org>

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washing my eyes so Ican see , lights, camera, action

so I went to Jobs Partnership on Tuesday night and the lady there told me that the doctor told her to start washing her eyes. I thought that was a good idea, so I starting asking God to wash my eyes as I run water in them to to let there be light so I can clearly see what is going on.  A friend is coming over today to take a picture of me in front of the harp. Also, I ordered the harp cart. I took action, instead of procrastinated and felt the fear but took the action. and invested in my business, my harp business.

I had to make amends to WDW and so yesterday, I showed Steamboat Willie to the kids in fourth grade.

Sent letter to school requesting they re-instate my eligibility. And am going to use next week to apply for a career I will enjoy.

Writing, giving seminars. Playing the harp. Money, I love money!! Seriously, it offers options, freedom!!

What would I love, What is my dream? travel, play the harp, enriching relationships, family is happy, hurts forgiven,  a career where I educate others and empower them and bring about a good social change. >My own home.

  

Take Your Life Back Affirmations from Steve artberburn New Life

pose

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