We all have gaps in our lives. Some are self-imposed; others are imposed upon us.
Let’s look at our gaps:
the gap between stimulus and response. This is the gap when something happens to us and, what Jack Kornfield says, is the “space between instinct and action”.
He then goes on to explain that there is the first arrow, which pierces us, and then the second arrow of our anger and pain and outrage.
Some anger can be directed to social action and creating a better society, like the anger of Jesus who drove out the money lenders from the temple. See: Mark 11:15-17.
This kind of response takes practice. the practice of not responding quickly or sharply, it is learned, not automatic.
the second gap is a play on the letters G, A, P.
G is for gratitude or greatful. It is acknowledging the good stuff like fresh air, beautiful music, the grace and kindness of others, our health, paychecks, money and food. the ‘A’ is for appreciative which sounds similar to greatful, but appreciate actually means to add value. It is to know how valuable and worthy something really is, like the roof over your head, like your health, like money. Like my time and talents and to not discount them.
The ‘P’ is pleased. Feeling the actually feeling of feeling full after eating, enjoying the music you just played and delighting in knowing a higher power actually is conducting the affairs of the day and directing our lives.
There is a gap between where we are and where we want to. Yes, we are here and need to be here, now and practice acceptance. It is what it is. but what tiny little steps can I take daily to go toward the vision. I can apply for the job, I can let go of the past,
I can take a chance on a new friendship, I can learn to play a new song, I can call and ask how to get into TV commercials, I can speak the truth, in love and risk the rejection that my truth brings.
Last gap. is grief,
the grief of letting go, of the place, the person, the dream and letting it die and realizing, I have to do something new, I have to trust and adjust and the anger of that and the injustice and the rage, but then the
and part, my part. Am I reactionary?
or do I own myself?
Dr. Henry Cloud:
Most people are so caught up in trying to control the things they cannot control — other people, circumstances, or outcomes — that in the process they lose control of themselves. And here is the real paradox. It is only when you do take control of yourself that you will begin to have significant influence on those other things: people, circumstances, and outcomes. People in control of themselves do the most to influence everyone and everything around them to good ends, results, and profits. But they start with themselves, and that is the essence of boundaries.
People with good boundaries feel as if their lives belong to them, and no one else. Their feelings, thoughts, choices, desires, opinions, behaviors, talents, and whatever else goes on in their lives exist on their property — their minds, hearts, and souls. They do not “disown” these things by thinking they are someone else’s problem.
Which areas of your life — your time, energy, passion, and thoughts — do you own, and to what extent? I want to help you explore that more.
and the gap that only God can fill. Whether you believe or don’t, there is a Love available that doesn’t always take the form we think. It’s not material, it’s not the applause or the money–although, that stuff is nice, but I am learning that I can own it and it doesn’t have to own me.
Jeremiah 3:19 “‘How gladly would I treat you like my children and give you a pleasant land… I thought you would call me ‘Father’ and not turn away from following me.” God wants to be your ultimate Father. He wants to take care of you, love you and hold you close.